Many of us have difficulty talking openly and honestly with our partner about sex. And while the spotlight is usually on the person doing the talking, being on the receiving end of a sex talk can also be anxiety provoking. One result of all this sex talk discomfort is that when we do finally get around to talking, we aren’t that clear about explaining or listening to each other. Consider it a huge game of broken telephone — only it’s not a game, and the quality and health of your sex life depends on it.
So today lets work on fixing the broken telephone you’ve been using when it comes to your sex life. As a first step, consider these three statements that are true of all types of communication, including sex talk:
• What you want to say may be very different from what you actually say.
• What you actually say may be very different from what your partner thinks you said.
• Both you and your partner hear things through your own personal and complicated filters, and this influences what you hear probably as much as what the other person is actually saying.
Let’s see how this works in real life:
You might want to say: ”I don’t think we’re having enough sex.”
But what you actually say is something less direct, like this: “Why don’t we have more sex?” or ”I wish you weren’t so turned off by having sex with me.”
Your partner may interpret that as you saying: “There’s something wrong with you because you don’t want to have sex when I do.” or ”I want to have sex with other people.”
With all this confusion, where do you even start? Not surprisingly, you need to begin at the beginning. Make sure that what you say comes out clearly and that what your partner hears matches closely, if not exactly, with what you intended to convey. It’s a process called reflecting.
All you do is agree to let each person talk without being interrupted. Once one person is done, the other person repeats back what they heard, as accurately as possible. This isn’t an easy thing to do. It can feel silly and awkward, and it takes some back and forth before you both agree that what was heard is the same as what was said. Once you’ve reached an agreement, switch roles. The other person now gets to talk about how they are feeling, and the first person does the reflecting.
You can either set time aside to try this with your partner. Or, the next time you’re having what feels like an important conversation, stop and give this a try.
At first, reflecting back what your partner just said before you respond can seem painfully slow, especially when all you really want to do is defend yourself and move on. But as you practice, you’ll both get better. Plus, it can be a good thing to be forced to slow down in a conversation. In the end, you both benefit when you both get heard and feel as if you’ve been given the opportunity to say what you feel.
The next step is getting better at saying what you mean. Practice practice practice.
“We have added a new page to our website. In Store! Have a look at some of the photos we have loaded up for you. And our website is even smart phone friendly so you can call us or email us with the click of a button.
Or drop in let us know if you like our newest slogan: We Love to Help You Love. Never fear though: our “Playthings for Your Plaything” is still what we are all about and We Love to Help You Love!!!!
What’s the BIG difference Between Water Based and Silicone Lube? What the heck is oil based lube? Can I use massage oil as lube? Is Anal Lube any different from Regular Lube?
Lube is a wonderful thing and there are three kinds: Oil, water based and silicone. Oil based lubes tend to bead up when in contact with water and since a women’s natural fluids are most like water, they bead up all the time. They are also hard to wash off and are not safe with some toys. Water based lubes are wonderful and come in a variety of styles including glycerin free (attributed to yeast infections in some women). Water based lubes are safe for all playthings, are reinvigorated with just a bit of water and can be used by most people. Still read the ingredient list though because they are all a little different.
Silicone lubes are man-made and go on forever. However, silicone lubes cannot be used with silicone toys like the WE Vibe or Lelo but is can be used for a lot of other things besides sex: great for massages as it goes on forever, fixes squeaky doors, silences loud fan parts, feels great on hot days on sticky personal parts and no one on earth is allergic to it. So if you are reaching for a lube in the dark and want to play with your LELO or WE vibe, make sure you keep the water based lube close at hand.
At Shadoe Intimates Inc we carry the best available in water based and silicone lubes like O’My, Jo, ID Glyde, Pink, Hathor, Wet and the list goes on. Come on in and get the best advice at Shadoe Intimates Inc.
We do not carry anal lube that numbs! Why you ask? If you are numbing your anal area and something tears during your encounter you may not feel it and continue on as if nothing is wrong. You ARE dealing with feces and if something gets into the little tear, you could end up with a nasty infection. So, no numbing for our clients. Our main goal is safe sex.
We also do not carry any lubes that heat up. Adding heat to a hot spot makes just more heat and heat is the main cause of yeast infections. If you want a heating lube, find one at the pharmacy and right next to it is the anti-fungal cream you will need to fight the yeast infection, so pick up a bit of that too so you won’t have to drive back down with itchy privates.
Oh, and can I use olive, almond or walnut oil? Sure when you are making a salad! Some people swear by natural oils but they can cause some of the same issues like blockages of those natural lubricating producers.
Fantasy is the way to get what you want without getting in trouble. You can fantasize about threesomes, bondage, same sex or any other naughty thing. The best thing is that it is just that: a fantasy. It can stay in your head and never come out. Fantasies enhance your sexual experience. You can be whatever you want to: just close your eyes and dream.
If you are comfortable with your partner, you can share and they can play into your fantasy. She can dress up as a school girl. He can pretend to be a TV repair man. You can tie him up or he can meet you in a bar. Being creative keeps your relationship fresh.
How can Shadoe Intimates help? We sell a full line of costumes, shoes, wigs and playthings. We also sell books with fantasy stories that you can use as inspiration. Come see how we can help.
These are what Ben Wah Balls look like as the adult stimulator and kegel exerciser.
Two small metal balls are usually about .75 inches in diameter but can vary.
They also come in glass silicone and plastic variations as well.
These are exercise balls only. DO NOT USE THEM DURING INTERCOURSE.
To remove Ben Wah Balls simply sit down or squat and push using your kegel muscles. If you having trouble removing them, try pushing as if you were having a bowel movement.
AGAIN, never use them during sexual intercourse as they could be pushed through your cervix and you will need to have them removed surgically.
AGAIN. DO NOT USE THEM DURING INTERCOURSE.
What is the best plaything in our store? Great question and one we hear all the time. So, the short answer is…. The one that gets the job do FOR YOU!
How do we help you find the perfect plaything? We LISTEN! No hard sell, no pushing a particular item, no commission sales, no pressure AT ALL! We want you to leave happy and if that means just some information to take home and mull over, that is what you will get. And you will get it with a smile, understanding and with the utmost discretion. So, if you have found a wonderful new product and you would like it brought in, we can do that. If you found a great product and we have tested it and think it is horrid, we will tell you. Our goal is, and always will be, your satisfaction: in the store and with your new plaything.
Kim, Victoria and Jami love working here. We are here for YOU and we appreciate your business. We want you to love spending time here too. We have been doing this for over 12 years so we must be doing something right but let us know if we can be better though: we are always willing to learn!
Not much to say about Me. I have a background in customer service from hotels to airlines and retail to tourism.
I started this business over 10 years ago with a lot of naivete. I opened Shadoe Intimates with my partner Ian.
Sadly he moved and I currently run it with the help of my wonderful staff and the support of the community of Campbell River.
As a past president of the Business and Professional Women’s Network, and the Second Vice Chair of The Campbell River Chamber of Commerce I have the full support of all the businesses linked to these organizations.
Along with my accountants, legal help and media associates, I have managed to gain ground annually, growing the business to a point where it is a treasured part of the community. I have a lot of people to thank for all the help along the way and you know who you are…
This article appeared several years ago in the Mirror: Kim did not write it but she loves it!
Shadoe Intimates Inc. newspaper article
Victoria Hunt is Kim’s right arm and can help you with your plaything for your plaything. What a treasure! Come in and meet her!
We are located at:
249 10th Avenue (across from old the Galaxy Theatre)
Campbell River, BC V9W 4E4
Our hours of operation are 10:30 am to 5:30 pm, Monday to Saturday. We are closed Sundays and Holidays.
We open late or early for private shopping by appointment!
Call or fax us at: 250-286-0551
Or email us at: firstname.lastname@example.org Click to view our location on Google Maps. Just a wee note: if you have Google Earth on your computer, type in our address, 249 10th Avenue, Campbell River, BC and you can look at the front of our store.